I'm The Boss

I have spent just over 6 years in the field of mechanical engineering with a major defense contractor. During that time I have learned many lessons regarding how to think critically and how to conduct myself. In other words, knowing what questions to ask and when to ask (or more often, NOT ask) them. This process essentially was figuring out how to manage myself. Coming out of college in 2001, I had the intellect and moxie to do any task that an employer would ever ask, but my act was not... together. Over time, I was managing my own little corner of the military-industrial complex with reasonable skill (trivia: Eisenhower originally wrote his speech decrying the military-industrial-congressional complex, but that's a whole separate blog entry). Eventually, I started making independent decisions and, occasionally, making decisions for other people. This didn't mean any particular authority had been specifically conferred on me. People would meet to discuss something, and for whatever reason no supervisor or other responsible adult was present, and some issue would cause deadlock. Eyes would stare at the ceiling, sometimes people would argue, but it equated to the same thing: nobody can make a decision. So I would. There is no problem with an ongoing debate over a complex or monumental problem, but simple fear of being responsible for making the call disgusts me. My own internal statistics and polling bureau has reviewed my decision-making prowess and found that I made the right decision about 50% of the time. Another stunning fact the bureau unearthed: I NEVER was punished for making a bad decision. I had to fix a few things, but in no way has my reputation or potential for advancement been damaged. Remarkable.

This leads me to last week. My supervisor took a week of vacation. Not normally a problem. However, my group's experience level is so low that I am one of only two engineers in our group with over 3 years of experience. That means I got tagged with filling in for him, along with carrying my normal workload. THAT made for a rough week. Our toilet was leaking, as well, but that can be discussed another time. Anyway, the inevitable late Friday problems popped up right before the Boss Man left, which meant that I would have that waiting for me the next week. I was in working on a report on Sunday, trying desperately to finish some of my own individual tasks before the flood arrived, then worked 12 hours Monday dealing with the craziness. And you know what? Things worked out just fine. I credit the support of my wife, who knew that it would be a tough week for me and was very understanding. It left me convinced that I am really not enthusiastic about being a supervisor. At least where I work, it requires the mental agility to hop from one topic to the next, which are often on completely unrelated systems. Couple that with the inability of inexperienced workers (no knock on them, just a fact) to work independently and make decisions (see above), and it makes for a draining day. I can only conclude that I would prefer to remain in a strictly technical role, where I can immerse myself deeply in a single problem, or more realistically a set of related problems, and work them out.