What Will They Think Of Next?

I recently opened the refrigerator to discover Heaven In A Bucket. OK, first I owe a clarification regarding the word "discover", as Wifey had already informed me that Heaven In A Bucket was in the refrigerator and I promptly forgot, so perhaps "rediscover" is a more appropriate term. Heaven In A Bucket refers to 5 lbs, 4 ozs of Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie dough in a single bucket. This is sufficient cookie dough to reach an apocalyptic critical mass of eating-straight-from-the-bucket-until-you-see-bare-plastic-at-the-bottom-and-hate-yourself. As I said, Heaven In A Bucket. I Tell You What, cookie dough ought to be considered a meal in and of itself. Pillsbury is really overachieving with this offering, I'm talking on the order of Nobel Prize overachieving. I applaud them, and hope to see them continue this new tradition of excellence by offering 5 lbs buckets of similar and equally awesome products:

• Youth
• Low-Calorie Cookie Dough
• Mirth
• Wisdom
• Success At Work
• Contentment

I'll be waiting, Pillsbury. I know you won't let me down.