Last Flight Out

1/11/11

To my enduring surprise, our undersea excursion is rescheduled. I figured the initial postponement of our trip indicated a lack of enthusiasm or sincerity on behalf of the Navy. However, I received an e-mail a few days ago that the ship will be ready for us January 14, and the we would be accompanying her for an entire week, double the length of our initial cruise plans. We scheduled our departure from Providence airport (T.F. Green) at 7:00 A.M. January 12. The only thing remaining was to catch a flight.

DAMNATION, I already know better than to use that phrase. Winter weather now assails the U.S. east of the Mississippi River. Let's bullet list this travel catastrophe chronologically to move through the day briskly.

• Approaching snowstorm (10-18" forecast) will ensure no January 12 flights from Providence, along with other regional airports. That's tomorrow.
• Atlanta airport has been completely shut down by the southern approach of the very same snowstorm from Jan. 9 onward.
• Delta Airlines is perfectly happy to sell tickets for flights connecting through Atlanta on Jan. 11, as late as Jan. 10, to those who might naively think the airport is cleaned up by now
• Jan. 11 3:55 A.M realization is made that today's 7:10 A.M. flight from Providence to Atlanta is now officially canceled.
• 4:15 A.M Company travel services find a promising rout Providence/Philly/San Fran/Honolulu. Requires an unplanned overnight stay in San Fran.
• 4:20 A.M Wait, same snowstorm will reach Philly before we depart for San Fran
• 4:30 A.M. Discuss this with travel companion. He gives me carte blanche to do what we need to so that this trip will happen. Remember, he still wants to parlay this work trip into an extended vacation in Hawaii with his wife.
• If we don't leave today, we won't catch the boat, and the sea trial may never happen.
• 4:35 A.M. Wifey has brought me a mug of coffee. I'm surging like the Hulkster from a choke hold.
• 4:35 A.M. Calling travel hotline again, on hold for 20 minutes
• 4:55 A.M. Shucking and jiving on the phone, almost there...
• 5:30 A.M. KABOOM! Totally revamped travel plan: fly Boston/San Fran/Honolulu, return Honolulu/Chicago/Boston, same travel dates, no extra overnight layovers
• 5:31 A.M. I think I just racked up $5,000 in air fees for the two of us.
• 5:35 A.M Call my comrade, tell him the new plan, and that I'll pick him up in 1/2 hour to account for Boston traffic. He is uncertain, but yields to my onslaught. He gave me the ball, it's time to step aside and watch me go.
• 6:10 A.M. Comrade picked up. On the road again, going to places that I've never been...
• 8:00 A.M. Boston traffic crawling
• 8:15 A.M. ditto
• 8:30 A.M. ditto
• 8:45 A.M. ditto
• 9:00 A.M. Arrival at the airport! Shuttle but is idling in long-term parking and we quickly board and head to the terminal. Check-in and security go very smoothly
• 10:50 A.M. Airborne! Baby 2 rows back is persistently crying, but I am a veteran parent, and if this is the worst I face before final touchdown, I am golden.
• 11:00 A.M. Young woman sitting next to me asks the mother of the crying infant if the baby is hungry. I'm sure she didn't think of that. I may be breaking up a fight later.

You must understand that I am no world traveler. I would far prefer to march slow and steady across vast wilderness than navigate the modern travel landscape. The number of airports, airlines, gridlocked traffic, ineffective and time-consuming security processes, all are plagues to me. Additionally, the electronic nature of the system means you simply hand your decisions off to the Internet and pray everything is in order at crunch time. Throw in company travel personnel with poor English speaking skills, and it's a stressful experience for me.